I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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