Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
