how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
