i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
