me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
