He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
