I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
