Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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