I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
