My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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