R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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