I skipped work to stalk him.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
