Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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