when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
