Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
