when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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