I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
