If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
