I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just high enough for therapy.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
