i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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