The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
