I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
