do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
