i was born a porn star she said
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize