this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
