Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
