Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
