how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
