bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
