I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
