I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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