just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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