There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
