Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i need some magic done to my vagina
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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