I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
