Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
