My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
