THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
