I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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