I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
porn star boner night. come get it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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