Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
