Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
