smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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