ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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