My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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