This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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