was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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