how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
