i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I'm really busy with my period
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