Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
