He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
