is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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