I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
