he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize