and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
