We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
