dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
