That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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