Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
