idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize