Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
