There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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