Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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