party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize