the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
