I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
