finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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