hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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