I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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