I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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