TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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