Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
